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    August 30

    今夜请将我遗忘

    又是一个大雨滂沱的深夜,在阵阵的雷鸣声中,在昏黄的灯光中,我再一次看完了《成都今夜请将我遗忘》——一部被评论为反爱情主义的小说。

    这次,读完它,仅仅用了不到一天的时间,从开始,心情便被仅仅的压抑着。记得六年前读这篇小说的时候,是大语的老师极力推荐。当时,不喑世事的我对这篇文章的态度仅仅是当成一个笑话。而今次再读,却被里面人物行为的真实深深震撼。这不是一个没有体验过世态炎凉的年轻人能够写出来的社会,在社会阴暗的角落里,这些事情每时每刻都在发生着。

    曾经以为看惯了世间百态,毛人毛事,不会再感到吃惊和惶恐。然而,当主人公的命运在谎言和欺骗中离自己的掌控越来越远的时候,我还是感到了憋闷。不知道是谁曾经说起过,誓言本身就是用来背叛的。现在想想,这话也不无道理。

    奔到阳台,想在清凉的雨水中释放一下压抑的心情。点起一根塔山,看着吐出的烟雾还没有飘远便被稍稍缓和的雨水打散无踪。记得这包塔山是我上研的那一年买的,直到现在也还没有抽掉一半,这其中的大半也是最近的日子才解决的。回首过去的三年,积累的东西越来越多,也渐渐对这个社会处理问题的方式不再迷茫。虽时而抗争,但总能通过本质的基石领悟到现实的残酷。而最近的半年,许是因为一切尘埃落定,想法渐渐多了起来,心情便又不复晴朗。好在有一包香烟,烦闷的时候闷上一根,便可很快入睡。

    想来自己也还没到大彻大悟的境地,正可谓“世间本无事,庸人自扰之”。

    算了吧,就这样,今夜请将我遗忘……

    雨,一直下……

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    Tian YUwrote:
    怎么连你也开始抽烟了呢?也许现实是有很多的无奈,但还是要看到那些美好的东西,从而保有内心深处的那块净土。我相信你可以的!
    Aug. 31

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